ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
