Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
