We won't sleep together?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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