sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
