Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
