K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
