I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
