On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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