Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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