drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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