I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
