Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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