My friends, they love my intelligence
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
