I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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