i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
