oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
