the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We are all done wearing pants today
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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