omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
