the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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