I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
