Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
its not stalking. its research.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
