You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
