I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
