Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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