you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
