Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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