Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
