I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
