We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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