i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
