Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
