six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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