is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
