Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
