Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
