There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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