well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
