STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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