i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
