Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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