i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
