Small penises have feelings too.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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