you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I deserve this hangover.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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