I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
