I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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