I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
