I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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