I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
this is an emotional support booty call
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
