If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
