I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
