So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
