Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
