You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Your penis caused this!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
